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You never really know the true meaning of missing someone until you remember the small quirks/actions they did start to affect you. You start to reminisce those times that they did and your heart feels heavy because you will never witness them do those actions again.

In my case there are so many things I miss about my dad. He did small things, but never did I imagine those small things would be like daggers to my heart. Anyone reading this blog knows that I am a religious person, my parents raised me to be Catholic. Out of my whole family on my fathers side, we are probably the only family that prays together and goes to church every Sunday together as a family. During mass there is a time to give peace to each other. Whenever I show peace to my dad, he would put the sign of the cross on my brother's and I's foreheads and hug us. When it is time to go up to the front of the church for communion, he would let all of us go in front and he would be behind us. Now, that he is gone, we won't be able to have that. This is just a small aspect that I miss about my dad. It also hurts because whenever we would sit in the pews, my dad would always be sitting in the outside against the edge of the pew, now my mum makes the same amount of space that my dad would take for him. When it is time to give peace to other people, she always says peace to him first, especially the last 40 days he was here on earth. My heart was aching to watch this, but if this is how she copes, this is how she will do it.

I went back to work last Monday and yesterday. It was freaking hard to be there, especially my last two night shifts. I'm continuing this post from my break on yesterday shift. I cried so hard on my break and right now I am teary eyed. It seems like nothing can distract my feelings. So I just let it all out.